I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
