just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
