i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think your dad took our porno
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
