singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
