grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
