The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
