Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
