It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
