I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
