now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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