So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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