she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
