I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
