Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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