Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
