6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
