I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
