just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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