I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
