what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
