I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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