Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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