The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
