It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
