You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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