Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
