Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
