Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
