umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
