covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
