My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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