Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
