This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
When are your genitals available?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
