He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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