these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
