You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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