and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
