im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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