My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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