we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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