she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
