If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We left the knife in your bed.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
