nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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