Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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