Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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