DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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