Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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