cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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