I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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