glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
