Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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